


For A Lifetime

by eventidefalls, ShunRenDan



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Divergence - Post-Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts), F/M, Not Canon Compliant - Kingdom Hearts III, Post-Kingdom Hearts III
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-19 23:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17611394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eventidefalls/pseuds/eventidefalls, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShunRenDan/pseuds/ShunRenDan
Summary: Naminé doesn't get her happy ending, no matter how badly Roxas wants to write one for her.





	1. Everything I Dreamed

**Author's Note:**

> If you have yet to finish playing Kingdom Hearts III, I'd suggest avoiding this fanfic altogether. We do not own Kingdom Hearts or any of its content, just this fanfic.

“Remember the last time we were here?”

His eyes fluttered open, revealing brilliant shades of azure mixed with a tint of storminess that was, iconically, Roxas. He was the calm before the storm, waiting to be unleashed upon those who dared cross his path.

In the dreamscape, that same gaze was filled with the innocence of a newborn, excited to explore the world he was finally birthed into, possessed by an awareness that he could not explicitly explain.

"Yeah," Roxas whispered, his eyes glued to the walls. Fragmentary passages, pieces of art made up with memories as their stitches, adorned every inch of the White Room. His attention lingered on the colourful array of portraits involving him, his other, and the girl in the chair at the other end of the room. "I do."

She hummed in response before rising from her seat and crossing over to where he remained rooted to the chair. Naminé offered her hand and Roxas took it. A single tug was all it took for him to stand on two feet; the normalcy of it all felt so surreal.

They were thorns plucked from the bramble of their extenuating circumstances, placed in a jar of normalcy that never could have lived up to its label. Every day felt so far removed from the tragedies that shaped them, but so inextricably linked together in their shared memories.

“Before you reunited with Sora, before we met in The World That Never Was. The place where I promised we’d meet again,” Naminé reminded him, although he already knew. The ghost of her smile plastered onto her lips as she studied the sleepy boy before her, just rising from the clutches of what people know as a nap. “It was right here in this very place that I made that oath.”

"And now it's been fulfilled," Roxas concluded, his tone indicative of the fact that he was waiting for some perpetual contradiction to show him otherwise.

Naminé pulled him to take a walk around the room, allowing her fingers to intertwine with his, giving them a gentle squeeze. It brought him a modicum of comfort, of reassurance that he needed as he slowly sifted through the memories plastered upon the white-washed walls. Roxas wondered how she could live here all alone, a ghost consigned to the fate of low opacity, even in life.

Her fingers touched the cool surface of her wall as they closed in on a single drawing: not was it just Axel, Xion and Roxas but there were others there too— Isa, Hayner, Pence and Olette.

Naminé asked, “How’s everyone doing?”

Roxas's grip on her hand tightened, thumbpad tracing absent circles in the crook between the back of her palm and the knuckle of her thumb.

"Riku's holding things together. Ven and the others are hopeful that Sora'll find Kairi soon," he replied. "I'm not sure. It feels like…"

He paused.

"Like there's always something."

Something keeping them apart, like an inch of glass jammed in a window sill. He says nothing of it, specifically, but he does not need her to name it for it to be felt.

It was nice to hear some news about Riku. As expected, he was sticking well to his duties. According to Kairi, Riku had passed his exam. From the depths of her other’s peaceful heart, Naminé could still witness everything that went on. Most of the time, she was dormant but the girl would still glimpse into what Kairi was experiencing.

Another hum in response. Before he knew it, Naminé was already moving onto the next picture: an image of Sora, Riku and Kairi staring out at the sunset, seated upon the paopu tree. Instead of the dark purples she had once favored, there were vibrant pinks, representative of her other. Next to that drawing was an image of Ventus, Aqua, and Terra, gazing upon a starry sky.

“Speaking of Ven, how do you feel about him?” Naminé asked further, her curiosity piqued. She was certain had it not been for Ventus’ influence, Roxas would have looked just like Sora, just like the rest of Organization XIII, save for Xemnas.

"He's alright," Roxas answered quickly.

She knew well his dour fascination with being unique. Having a boy with his face running around acting like some sort of happy-go-lucky dope left him with a sour taste in his mouth, but the boy was so hard to dislike that Roxas couldn't help but stick around him. Xion liked him, Axel — Lea — liked him… how was he supposed to hate a guy like that?

"He reminds me a lot of Sora," he continued. The longer he went on, the more his tone softened. "Stoked. Constantly. It's kinda nice."

All she does is let out a giggle, pleased to hear that they’re getting along.

“He sounds like an older brother,” she remarked, keeping her gaze upon Roxas in order to witness the myriad of emotions that spread across his face. “So, how did you guys sit down and talk about it? Or was it Lea that had to explain everything?”

Roxas didn't expect the flush of red that struck across his face like firelight bleeding across a dark cave. His lips got off to a false start, and he struggled to find the words he needed.

"He's not my older brother," he shot back, indignant. "I mean, he's… he's alright. He took the news well. He was kinda freaked out by it."

He moved on quickly, embarrassed by the thought that he actually might have liked the weird dynamic they had together. Ven was a nice guy, but he just wasn't older brother material. If anything, Roxas was the older brother. He was a bit bulkier, and he was (dubiously) stronger. Those were total big brother traits.

"Axel… er, Lea, sorry, had to explain most of it. Honestly, a lot of this is still beyond me. I get it, and I was a part of it, but I don't think it's ever gonna feel real."

Roxas turned to her, looking, for a moment, doubtful.

"You know? It feels like I'm going to wake up, and this part of things're just gonna be a part of some dream. You're gonna be gone, Riku's gonna have a blindfold on, and Sora's gonna be cruising aimlessly through space in a ship made out of gummy bears or whatever."

Naminé doesn’t say anything, choosing to move on with her questions about Hayner, Pence and Olette, as well as how he felt about Isa, about his presence.

"It's weird seeing Isa around and not getting yelled at," Roxas replied. "He was always such a taskmaster. None of it feels normal at all. Maybe it's not supposed to."

“In other words, you think that it’s too good to be true?” comes her inquiring tone, imbued with an air of light-heartedness, mixed with something else there — some je ne sais quois.

"I mean, isn't it?"

“You deserve it,” Naminé reaffirmed, shifting her position so that they were standing face to face, instead of side by side like they had been moments ago. “You fought long and hard to be your own person, Roxas. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise, no matter who it is.”

"You deserve the same things I do," he said. Face-to-face, it was hard to believe that she didn't hold every answer in those blue eyes of hers, that the key to every mystery wasn't locked away in the sea of her being like buried treasures. "None of it's real until we're both whole. Ourselves, not a part of anybody else."

He tightened his grip on her hand, reassuringly. He remembered the last time he'd peered into the white room's depths – or attempted to – as a part of Sora, so uncertain as to whether or not he'd ever get her back. How much had changed since then?

"I'm fine being someone's other, but… but I want us both to be whole and free. None of this counts until we are."

As expected, this was how Roxas felt and while she felt similarly, time was of the essence. The clock was ticking and each second that passed meant that Sora was close to making a decision. She could feel him near, could feel the connection with Kairi getting even stronger, but something told her that there was a huge price to pay on Sora’s end.

She would not allow him to broker that price on his own. Sora sacrificing himself was not an option: Naminé would make sure of that.

However, there was something about the way Roxas spoke, a certainty and firmness in his words she could not shake.

“You sound sure of yourself,” Naminé informed him, fatigue creeping into the edges of her words. “Did Riku mention bringing me back?”

If he did, then Naminé was going to have to apologise in advance for the decision she was about to make.

"You know he's going to try," Roxas answered.

Silence fell over the two of them. It was unlike the comfortable silence she had gotten accustomed to whenever they spent time together, before Sora and Riku left for their Mark of Mastery exam.

“I know. I know that if you had the ability, you’d do the same too,” Naminé stated, lifting her head to look at Roxas. Two fields of azure met ice, and it was then she realised the breadth of the emotions swimming in his gaze. Even as a smile broke forth, clearly excited of the prospect of reuniting with her again, she knew that she would not live to see that radiant smile.

Roxas was radiating so much hope, so desperation at the same time. Her heart broke at the thought of being the harbinger of bad news once more; she wasn’t sure whether he’d be able to take it this time.

And yet, he deserved the truth.

"I will do the same," he replied, returning the squeeze. Naminé couldn't remember when his hands had enveloped hers. For a selfish moment, all she remembered was the warmth they brought with them. "We're going to see each other again, Naminé. I promise."

“Thank you, Roxas,” Naminé smiled, her eyes glowing with all the love and affection she held for her friend before the corners of her lips turned downwards, drawn together into a hard line. “But—”

A pause.

“Not in this lifetime,” she uttered the words, shattering the chain of his promise before he could dream of keeping it. She pulled away, her back faced towards him as she took the time to gather herself together, to prevent the tears from spilling like waterfalls down her face.

The scenery around them melted away; distant pines faded, replaced, plank-by-plank with bleached palm trees. Stark-white sand spread out along the coastline of a familiar shore for miles, dotted by drowned wood and upturned hulls that stood out like ozymandian trunks. Destiny Islands was a sanctuary; it was how Sora’s heart reflected itself.

Yet, there was something ominous about it, fleeting. The warmth of the sun was absent, replaced by a cold sea breeze that bit at their skin and her heart.

With a great deal of courage, knowing that this might be her final time, Naminé faced Roxas once again, watching the emotions that flickered across his face.

“Sora is looking for Kairi,” she began to explain, knowing that while he would not understand now, he would in the future. “Kairi is on the cusp between life and death as we speak… and given Sora’s nature, he’d do anything for her.”

She took a deep breath. The tremors in the way she inhales does not go unnoticed.

“Without Sora, there is no ray of hope. Without Kairi, the balance of the worlds is perpetually upset,” Naminé informed him, finally cracking a smile at last. “Who knows what would happen? My heart and her heart are still deeply connected and her bond to Sora is especially strong—”

She lets the silence linger in the air, knows that Roxas knows his other better than she does and that he feels the same bond toward her in turn.

“Land, sea, and sky. Without one or the other, everything will fall apart. I’m not going to watch it happen,” Naminé continued, looking at Roxas in the eye. “Riku may not look like it but I’m certain he’s struggling with his own demons of being alone. If Sora were to bring Kairi back, she would have to face life without her dearly beloved.”

“I still feel her pain from the time she had forgotten about him. Even though it had been a while, her fears remained, a result of me,” Naminé emphasised. “Fate has been far too unkind to them and I wish to rectify that while I can.”

Roxas didn't say anything in response, his lips drawn taut by the moment. There were so many things he wanted to say that no amount of time could have ever given him what he needed to express them. He wanted to reassure her, to help her, to solve the fracture that threatened to break them apart — but his hands were not made of wax and their hearts were not candles. He could not hold them together by sheer will, and though it wasn't the first time he'd come to it, the realization stung all the same.

Her words felt cruel, and that was what he knew made them true.

Naminé was not the murderous witch that Marluxia wanted her to be. It was her softness, the way she turned water into wine with just a word that gave her voice the distinct hum of truth. She did not want to hurt him, and he knew that, but how could she expect him to go on without her, as if she were just another voice among the chorus of souls that lingered in his heart?

“I know what you’re thinking,” Naminé chided him in the most playful manner she could muster, in spite of her current predicament. “I’d have been able to hear you from the ground floor if you were sitting at the clock tower. However, please do not worry: you have friends like Xion and Axel who would be there with you every step of the way. You won’t be alone.”

"Xion isn't you, Naminé," he whispered, his voice low and his eyes dark.

“Neither is anyone else,” Naminé added on. “Kairi isn’t me either, but I am the other half that makes her whole. That’s why it has to be me.”

He didn't know what to say in response. Part of him wanted to selfishly declare that he wouldn't have made that promise to anyone else, but he knew that to be untrue. He wanted to tell her that someone else could have taken her place, but…

If someone else could have taken her place in his heart, they wouldn't have needed this conversation.

He knew that.

"This moment isn't much," she admitted, offering him a grin as the waves receded. "I'm sorry, Roxas."

Just as she took a step back, he grabbed at her, desperate to anchor her there. Instinctively, her fingers fumbled for his — grasped them tightly — and let them go.

Against the distant horizon, a swell of waves grew like burial clouds, racing toward the shore as their time ran out. Every drop in the ocean was another speck at the bottom of their hourglass. Seawater buffeted against his face, showering him in the scent of sharp sea-salt and bitter regret.

It was funny at how once upon a time, she had reached for him to pull him out of the darkness and back to the world of the awake, to safety. Now, with the tides turned, the irony was apparent to her; she was going to be out of reach. This time, instead of her reaching for him, it was his turn to reach for her.

"It looks like this is goodbye, Roxas," her voice, stern but gentle, called to him as the tide grew stronger. Her fingers did not strain against his, but the two of them broke apart nevertheless. He fumbled for her again, desperate to keep hold of her, as if maybe she might not leave if only he could hold her tight enough. She wouldn't have been able to live with herself, knowing that she could have saved two incredibly important people, but… could he live without her?

"I promised myself that I'd be transparent with you."

"And I promised I wouldn't let you go," he answered, his feet stuck in the sand as her fingers grew ever more distant, as though the oath had not been already shattered since the beginning. "I promised you that, remember?"

“Let go," she pleaded. "Please."

Roxas rebelled, reaching forward one last time, hoping beyond hope that he might catch her.

"Do it for me."

And at that, he cracked. He fell forward into the tide, knees crashing hard against the sand and face splattered by seafoam.

"Naminé," he managed, his face contorted by doubt and anguish.

The waves crashed and for a brief moment, he tried to fight against the currents threatening to drag him away from her. Even through the blurry surf, he could still see her smile with all her heart — the sort of expression that held little regret, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks, and spoke volumes of the care she had for him.

He'd have given the world for only another moment, but he knew better. She never would have taken that offer. Her departure was her final gift, a moment of peace and clarity shared between them before the faults in the earth and the heavens tore them asunder once again.

When he finds the surface again, she is gone.


	2. Saying Things I Don't Mean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas was never good at dealing with loss.

Twilight bled through the windowsill of the apartment, stretched lazily across the floor, and ingrained itself in sunlit gold across the warm floorboards. Xion navigated her way across the hall, guided by the scent of freshly made eggs and the sound of sizzling bacon, to the door of her best friend's room.  
  
A knock on the door resounded through the room, amplified by the hollowed crevices of the heart on the other side. She heard a vague fumbling, the sound of someone crashing to the floor, and what she knew to be a swear.

“Roxas? You awake?” she called out. “Isa’s preparing breakfast.”

The door clicked open and out came the blonde-haired kid she knew so well. As soon as their gazes locked with each other, Xion's heart leapt to her throat. Roxas stepped by her as if he didn't see her, forging a path into the hallway as if she were a mannequin in the window of a boutique.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

She couldn't help the question.

The distress written all over his facial muscles was hard to ignore. Truth be told, Roxas was never good at hiding how he felt. His face was a blank canvas that exposed all color. Sora was similar in that regard – that quality was cleanly reflected in Roxas. She couldn't have ignored that look, not when she knew it so well.

He shot her a look over his shoulder, wiped a hand across his face, and grunted on his way to the kitchenette.

Before she could challenge his grumpiness, a coarse hand ruffled her hair and a familiar redhead pushed by her with a wild yawn. Lea had never been a morning person. A perpetual procrastinator, he hadn't changed much as a result of his training: sleeping in was always going to be his forte, and Roxas, as unfortunate as it was, took right after him.

Isa, who greeted the three of them with a quiet nod as they entered the kitchen, was a stark contrast. He woke up two hours before the rest every morning, took care of the hard work that would have otherwise made their day a chore, and let them drift awake to the scent of a freshly cooked breakfast. He was the ideal roommate, barring the occasional spat with Lea. There was only one way to draw the fire out of Isa anymore, and Lea held it in his chest as a proudly guarded secret.

"Man," Lea groaned, stretching out across the table as he took his seat. "We really gotta be up this early?"

Roxas grunted again in response and rested his elbows on the table's edge. His head came to rest in his hands, his fingers stuck in the curls of his hair.

Xion manoeuvred by the both of them, took their plates from Isa, and deposited them at the table.

"Don't be so lazy," she joked. "We've got to be up early tomorrow anyway. Think of this as a practice run."

Lea looked down at his plate, lifted a piece of bacon with his bare hand, and ignored the look of complete horror that Isa shot him in response.

"I don't like being told what to do," he smirked in response. "I'll be as lazy as I wanna be. I saved the world, y'know."

"I'm sure you did," Isa muttered, rolling his eyes as he went back to preparing a plate for Xion and himself. They were the only two who could bear to wait ten minutes for their food to cook. "Sora and the others had nothing to do with it."

Xion couldn't suppress the laugh that bubbled out of her in response as the two bickered back and forth for the next five minutes over everything and anything they could. First, it was Lea's role in saving the world, then it was the way he ate his bacon, and before she knew it they were going back and forth on the complexities of the Twilight Town city council. Isa, apparently, was considering involving himself in local politics. Lea thought the idea pointless, but seemed eager to encourage his friend anyway.

Roxas's silence didn't go unnoticed. Usually, he enjoyed chiming in on the bickering that dominated their apartment in the early morning. It was a sport to him, to see who could best who in a contest of playful wit… or to see who'd end up storming out first between Lea and Isa, which was a laugh riot all the same. Plus, he got to eat the food they left behind, which, hey, was a great perk.

"Roxas, are you alright?"

Isa interrupted himself mid-sentence, his sharp gaze landing on Roxas before Xion could think to question her friend's behavior. Roxas looked up at his roommate, shoved a brick of toast in his mouth, and grunted for the third or fourth time that morning.

"That's not an answer," Isa replied. "And don't speak with your mouth full."

"Yeah, buddy, that's rude," Lea interjected, pointing a hunk of toast at his pal before haughtily stuffing his mouth in turn.

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Roxas snapped, his words strained from the sheer lack of sleep or rather, something else.

"Ab leas' I don' tal' like an i'iot," Lea fired back.

Isa took a moment to rub the bridge of his nose. The wit and remarkable intelligence his two friends were capable of displaying truly knew no bounds, and he found himself constantly impressed by their raw lack of hypocrisy. Nevertheless, he took his seat at the table beside them, dropping a plate full of well-cooked food for Xion and a hastily made plate for himself. His own eggs were messily scrambled and a little overcooked, a result of the god-awful distraction playing out at the table.

"That’s enough,” Xion chided, even though she was grinning from ear to ear at the scene splayed out before her. From the corner of her eye, she could see Lea studying Roxas at the same time, having noticed their friend’s dour disposition.

“So tell us, kiddo. What’s eating at ya?”

A muffled grumble, “Shut it, geezer.”

Isa, considerably more tactful, eyed his former coworker from across the table. Xion watched him take note of the situation without saying anything; it was so hard to believe that the level-headed man next to her was the lunar berserker.

"Roxas, is something wrong?" Lea said, leaning forward. "It's rude to lash out at your friends, y'know."

"Nah," Roxas muttered, grabbing a fistful of bacon (which offended Isa deeply) and leaning back in his seat.

Xion decided that it was time to switch to a different topic at hand. “I heard that Naminé’s restoration is going to be completed tomorrow. Riku’s going to fetch her once he drops us off at Destiny Islands tomorrow. Can’t have too many of us overloading the gummi ship now, can we?”

"Are you implying that there's not enough room in the gummi ship for the saviour of the universe?" Lea quipped, putting an offended hand over his heart. "How tragic.”

Isa didn't even bother to hide his scoff.

"If you weren't eating bacon by the fistful every morning," he began, levelling his stern gaze on both Lea and Roxas in turn, "perhaps there'd be enough space. As it stands now, however, Xion is right."

He paused, daintily lifted his toast, and continued.

"There just isn't enough room for all of us."

"I'm not going," Roxas chimed in. His eyes lingered on his breakfast and despite the bacon in his hands, his fork scraped against the bottom of his plate.

The reaction around the table was about the awkward silence he expected.

Xion looked to Lea. Lea looked to Isa. Isa looked to Roxas, his cheeks full of toast and his mind still.

"If that's what you want," he insisted.

"No, wait, hang on," Lea said, leaning forward. "What the hell do you mean?"

"Roxas, you've been waiting for this," Xion reminded him. "For a really long time."

"I don't see the point," he shot back.

There was something in the way he deflected that led Lea on to challenge him further, pointing a fork at his friend as if it were a deadly blade.

"Man, what's gotten into you this morning? You've been a real sad-sack ever since you woke up."

"Roxas isn't a morning person," Xion managed, defending her friend as if she hadn't come to the same conclusion. "You know that."

"That's got nothing to do with it," Roxas began, defending himself. Hurt flashed across his friend's face and he balked in response, huffing. "Morning person or not, it's just… not important to me."

Lea opened his mouth to say something, but Roxas fixed him with a sharp glare.

"Not anymore."

* * *

 

Olette was the first to notice the absence of Roxas's new friends, the newest additions to their circle, when he came through the entrance to the usual spot. Before she could question it, Pence beat her to the punch.

“Hey, where are the others?”

"Back at home," Roxas muttered.

"...You mean upstairs?"

"...Yeah."

Hayner chucked a dart toward the dart board beside Roxas. It hit its mark with a satisfying thunk and he clenched a fist.

"They're not coming to hang out then?" He asked, stepping forward to retrieve his darts. His last one hit a bullseye, but two were duds. He plucked them from the board with the same excitement nonetheless. "That sucks."

"Maybe later," Roxas grumbled.

Olette studied her friend from her spot on the couch, staring him down as he came to plop down next to her.

"Is everything okay, Roxas?"

"Yeah, I just needed to get out for a little while."

Hayner blinked.

"I mean, going down a flight of stairs doesn't really count," he began. "But I'm with ya."

Then, with his darts once again in hand, he suggested another course of action.

"You wanna go to the beach or something?"

"Nah, too cold."

"You could struggle with Hayner," Pence suggested.

"Nah, half the fun is gone now that Seifer isn't around to make trouble," Hayner protested. "Setzer isn't all that interesting a guy. He doesn't talk back."

"Hayner, do you miss Seifer?" Olette asked, leaning forward in her seat and folding the magazine in her hands.

Hayner scoffed.

Twice.

"What? No," he insisted. "Of course not. That guy's a toolbag."

"Sounds like some serious projection to me," Pence laughed.

"It's just kinda boring when you don't have a bad guy around. Roxas, you get it, don't you?"

Roxas shrugged, and immediately Hayner knew something was wrong.

"You sure you're feelin’ alright, Roxas?"

For a second, all eyes fell on him, and Roxas wasn't sure how to react.

* * *

On the day that he was supposed to pick up Roxas and the others, he received a distressed call from Xion, saying that Roxas was no longer enthusiastic about going on the trip to Destiny Islands. Riku had raised an eyebrow at the news, considering that Roxas was the one who had been looking forward to this ever since Ienzo had informed them that they could get back Namine, but it would take time to do so as her case was unique: without Kairi around, they would have no choice but to reconstruct her entire heart from the data provided to them.

The raven-haired girl had filled him in on what had conspired between them at breakfast the day before: the sudden change of heart, the snappy behaviour; it was obvious enough that Olette had to pull Xion aside and ask whether anything bad had happened that morning, before Roxas had come down to the usual spot to meet with them. According to the brunette, he was beyond agitated and he wouldn't speak to them about it.

That sounded about right.

Thus, he made it a personal mission to come down earlier than the agreed timing in hopes of changing Roxas’ mind. They hadn't started off on the best of terms, but they'd come to a mutual enough understanding. With Sora traversing the worlds again to find Kairi, Riku was left to his own devices — without his best friends, he was left only with his duty.

Such was his new responsibility as a Keyblade Master.

Just as he was about to set off on his merry way to find the once-broody blonde, a brisque call from Ienzo provided him both the good and the bad news.

The conversation was brief.

“I’ll probably be there tomorrow. At the very least, make sure everything's good to go before you give the green light,” Riku informed him, cancelling the call.

Ienzo's revelation made talking to Roxas a lot tougher. He remembered hearing Lea in the background, ranting to Isa about what had transpired in their kitchen that morning, and the pessimism that Roxas kept so close to his chest.

It did not take long to find the other boy. As expected, Roxas was deep in his own thoughts when Riku found him. In his hand was a stick of sea-salt ice cream, melting by the minute off the clocktower's ledge.  
  
“There are worse places to be alone,” Riku remarked, standing over the empty spot beside Roxas.

“What is it you want, exactly?”

Riku paused for a moment.

“Kairi’s been found. She’s at Radiant Garden,” he informed the younger boy. “Sora’s with her.”

Silence lingered between the two of them. After what seemed like forever, Roxas turned to him, his face unreadable.

“And Naminé?”

The stones where Riku's eyes were meant to be let Roxas know that his greatest fears were true, that the dream he had the night before was not just a dream: it was reality. He sucked in a pained breath as he struggled to keep himself together.

Riku turned his attention to the setting sun in the distance, watching as the world caught fire. Green hills spread on for miles against the horizon, splayed beneath a blanket of golden clouds that wrapped around the town proper. It was not hard to gather what Roxas felt, nor was it difficult to tell that he knew more than he let on from the start.

“I'll keep it simple,” Riku began, taking a deep breath before delving into the details. “There was a vessel left behind for Naminé, so that she could be revived. When the time came for her to come back, she didn't.”

"Kairi did," Roxas surmised, a sheer lack of malice in the way he uttered those words. His eyes flickered to Riku, hoping for a response that told him otherwise.

Riku's silence was confirmation enough.

“The sea is what connects the land and the sky,” Roxas repeated. “That’s what she said.”

How long had he known?

"Sora took off the second Ienzo gave him the news," Riku explained. "You know him. He wasn't going to wait."

"But you did," Roxas said, leveling his ice cream stick in Riku's direction. He chomped down on it. "They're gonna want you there. Doesn't that sound like a better place to be?"

Riku took a seat on the ledge, lowering himself to the stone face of the clocktower like a flower wilting over a grave.

"Those two haven't had a minute alone together since we were kids," he said, brushing off Roxas's protest. "And besides. I know a cry for help when I see one."

"Nobody's crying," Roxas insisted.

"She cared about you, Roxas," Riku countered, staring out at the aubade sky. "That much is crystal clear to me."

When Roxas didn't respond, Riku went on.

"And you're not the only one who cared about her."

For a second, silence lingered between them, a comfortable third in a conversation that neither wanted. They both knew how much she cared for him, how much she mattered. There were no words needed to express that.

"And you're not the only one who made her a promise they couldn't keep," Riku continued. "But you are the only one who can choose how you go on from here. At the end of the day, she wouldn't want you to sulk."

Roxas didn't say anything for a long time, opting instead to listen to the town bustling on below. He didn't know of Riku's promises, or the words exchanged between him and Naminé. Part of him didn't want to know.

"What promise did you make?" He asked, in spite of himself. "The one you couldn't keep."

Riku leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You're a smart guy," Riku managed, after some time. "Line the pieces up. "

“We’re setting off,” he informed Roxas, standing up to dust himself off and prepare for the journey to their next destination. “You know where to find us when you're ready.”

* * *

“Welcome to the Land of Departure. How does a tour sound?” Aqua offered, leading the way down the ramp of the gummi ship. Hayner, Pence, Olette, Roxas and Riku followed in her wake. Xion, Isa and Lea weren't far behind, though they took their time coming out. The first three looked significantly more impressed than the latter five, but she said nothing of that as the others let their enthusiasm be known with a jubilant cheer.

In the meanwhile, Riku split away from the rest of the group, striding confidently toward the stoic looking Terra. They kept their distance from the rest, talking in hushed tones and whispers that told Ventus the serious nature of their business. Whatever they were talking about probably had much to do with world-order and duty and the secret to their monstrous strengths.

It made Ven wonder if the others, with their untrained eyes, could tell that Aqua was the one left in charge. She was the master, after all, and it was her duty to train the others. Terra didn't need all that much policing, to be fair, but he'd never been all that far from mastery to begin with.

Ven, on the other hand...

His eyes scanned over the group following along in Aqua's wake. He didn't know Hayner all that well. Pence was a mystery, too, and Olette… well, she was sorta pretty, but he didn't know anything about her beyond that. Roxas was—

Roxas was missing, actually.

That sounded about par for the course.

It didn't take long to find him, at least. Guided by instinct, he wound up following Roxas to his favorite napping spot. It was the only logical choice for an escape, and it was so easy to find that anybody would've picked it.

Wide awake, Roxas ventured to stare up at the blanket of stars decorating the night sky overhead. He supposed that living in Twilight Town did not grant him that luxurious view. What fleeting dream did he hold in the vault of glass above? It wasn't hard to see that Roxas was lost in his own thoughts, trapped within the remnants of whatever daydream lingered on his mind.

If only he knew.

“It’s kinda ethereal, isn’t it?” Ventus chirped.

He went so far as to offer the other boy a wave, but Roxas just stared right on through him in response. He got that. It was still weird for him to see his twin — which, they technically were, despite Roxas's frequent protests. Aqua once mentioned it was like meeting a long lost twin brother, which he, at least, sort of agreed with.

Roxas was the sort to let his actions do the talking. Words didn't matter all that much to him. With that in mind, Ventus took a seat next to him on the railing overlooking the valley below. A keen eye could've still told them apart, but Ven figured they looked a lot like a matching set from far enough away.

“Views like this make living here worth it, but I’m pretty sure that no amount of sunsets could beat the ones you'd see in Twilight town,” Ventus added on. "Or Destiny Islands. That place still blows my mind."

It hadn't taken Ventus long to pick up on the differences between him and his mirror image. Ven was an idealist, and his cheery disposition served as a stark contrast to the more pragmatic, mellowed boy before him.

What he wanted more, though, was to know how they connected.

He took his time to study the boy for a little longer, noting the stiffness in his shoulders, the taut lines on his face and the faraway look in his eyes, the telltale signs of a storm brewing within. Ventus wondered whether that was how he’d have looked, if not been for the cheery disposition he had long adopted.

“What’s going on, Roxas?” he asked, concern painting his words as he leaned closer to the other boy. "If you don't wanna tell me, that's fine, but… you should tell someone."

Next to him, he could feel Roxas bristling from the contact, but he made no move to push or shove him away. Underneath the tough exterior that Roxas often put up was a sensitive soul and, like Ven, he had been through harrowing experiences of his own, none of which he had much of a say in.

Given that he was finally offered a choice to live, he had taken it.

Then why was he not happy for Naminé? She'd gotten her choice.

Even if he didn't get it, his arm slowly snaked around Roxas, and he could feel the boy lean into his touch. He was not touch-starved, per say, but it was his way of saying that he needed it: a reprieve from the harsh reality of whatever he was going through, although Ventus knew nothing about the truth behind his friend’s melancholy.

Ventus opened his mouth to say something but when he peered at his friend’s face and noticed the exhaustion evident in Roxas’ eyes now that he had let his guard down, he decided against it.

Instead, he opted to tighten his hold around his friend, hoping that it would calm his troubled heart and mind.

Then, Roxas spoke.

“I’m just tired of people asking whether I’m fine,” Roxas admitted. “I’m not fine now. But I know that, someday, I will be. I wish they’d understand that time and space is what I need right now.”

“There's nothing wrong with that,” a calming voice interjected. The two of them turned around, coming face to face with Aqua. “Hello, Roxas.”

Roxas inhaled, stiff once again.

It was clear that he didn't know quite what to say, or how much she'd overheard.

"Aqua."

She knelt down to his level, her eyes flickering between the two blonde-haired children – both mere teenagers – before her. It was heartwarming to see that Roxas had not moved from his comfortable position, in the crook of Ven's arms. 

* * *

Evening comes and goes before Sora and Riku return to Destiny Islands with Kairi. By that time, the surprise party surprise has been well spoiled, and the sight of their friends gathered around a campfire to greet them has become a welcome expectation. Sora greets them all with stiff hugs and wide smiles, heart by heart. Xion is happy to see him, and he offers her some words of encouragement before she returns to sharing her knowledge on thalassa shells with Olette. Hayner punches him in the arm, and it hurts a little, but Sora doesn't say much of it.

Isa is there with a calming nod, but Sora sweeps him up in a tight embrace all the same. Lea is less restrictive with his affections, and he provides Sora with the worst nougie of his life before pushing him off toward Donald and Goofy.

Sora doesn't really understand a thing Donald says, but he's happy that the old duck is happy and before he knows it, he's got two of Disney Castle's most esteemed residents wrapped up arm-in-arm with him on his way down the beach.

Terra is the most honored to meet him, and he shakes Sora's hand as best he can with a duck and a dog between them. He does the same for Kairi, following along behind him, and expresses his gratitude for their roles in saving the world. Aqua, a little bit better acquainted, offers her advice for what to do next, and Ven joins Sora, Donald, and Goofy in their awkward shuffle down the beach.

It isn't until they're all gathered around the campfire that Roxas returns to them, accompanied by Pence and wearing a stoic expression. Sora offers him a jovial wave, but his other doesn't return it, favoring the fire instead.

It takes some time before he gets the chance to think about it. By then, the night had mostly burned away in the firelight. The original Twilight Town gang was dead asleep on their beach towels; Lea and Isa were gone, vanished off in the dark somewhere for what felt like a suspiciously long time.

Xion's the one who actually touches on the sorespot.

"So, where's Naminé?"

It's hard to miss the way Roxas snaps to attention at the mention of her name, like a dog on a yanked chain.

Kairi moves to answer, but Roxas cuts her off the instant he picks up on her apprehension.

"She's not coming back," he said. "She's gone."

Sora watched his other's reaction in the firelight, and measured the way fire turned wrath into wretchedness.

"Because you got your happy ending."

"Roxas," Xion cut in, her voice stern. "That's not how it works. That is not what happened."

She turned to Sora, next, and then Kairi in turn.

"Is it?"

Sora's about to say something when Kairi interjects, answering for herself before he could think to answer for her.

"Only one of us could come back. She…"

"She's gone," Roxas once again asserted. "The tide is what connects the sea to the shore. That's what she used to tell me."

He turned to Kairi, studied her for a long moment, gathered all of his thoughts like droplets of rain in the stormcloud that had replaced his lungs.

"What's the point in making promises if it means breaking someone else’s?”

When no one responded, Roxas stood.

"Come find me when you've got an answer."

He cast a fleeting glance at Riku before marching away from the fire.

* * *

Kairi took her time in following after Roxas. Night had fallen by the time she spotted him at the top of the flying fox tower, his legs kicking over the side. Stars poked out from a black blanket in the sky above, shimmering down on the beachfront and the scattering of palm and paopu trees that decorated the sand. Roxas seemed to pay them no heed, and he didn't seem to notice when she climbed the ladder to join him.

For a long time, she didn't say anything.

She let him sit there, staring out at the stars and the waves crashing against the shore. He looked at peace, in his own frustrated way, and were it not for the slump of his shoulders and the memory of his most recent outburst, nobody would have known he was hurting. Part of her figured he found it cathartic, to explode every once in a while and let all the demons out.

Deep down, however, it wasn't hard to feel his pain. The ache in his chest was not something that the others would have felt; they would have only noticed it from afar, like a campfire from the top of a lofty pine.

Kairi noticed it from the forest floor, and that burning pain singed her more than his words ever could have.

She knew better than to ask if he was okay.

"Everyone wondered where you went," she said, instead. "Don't worry. I won't tell them."

“You don’t have to let me know. I already knew that,” Roxas remarked, still bittersweet and evidently torn about how to feel about Kairi. He knew he had gone too far, bottling his emotions till he was filled to brim.

“She wanted me to let you know that it was her choice,” Kairi reaffirmed, feeling the need to explain her side of the story. The Princess remembered the endless expanse of ocean spread out before them as Naminé greeted her in the middle of nowhere, the midst of this vast expanse. “I wasn’t supportive of the idea to begin with... but she explained why it had to be done.”

“Someone's always gotta lose out in the end,” Roxas remarked, letting out a defeated sigh. “One of us has to, for the sake of everyone else and for everything to be right. It just sucks.”

"It does," Kairi answered, taking a seat next to him. Her legs dangled over the edge, and a cool ocean breeze drifted in from the north. "It always feels like somebody has to reach for something."

She reached for his hand, and her thumb traced absent silhouettes in the back of his palm. He didn't pull away, at least not immediately, and she saw something unfamiliar flash in his eyes when he turned to look at her.

How could she know that he saw only bangs that weren't hers? That her ocean-blue eyes were painted by a sea of guilt?

“I’m sor—” he choked, turning to Kairi. Instead of the redhead, there was the familiar image his heart yearned for: the girl who would have been there for him.

Roxas crumbled at long last, his glass bottle of a heart filled to the brim, overflowing with emotions so intense he could not contain them.

With a heavy breath, he leaned forward, resting an elbow on his knee.

"Look, I'm sorry," he finally managed, turning his gaze back to the sea.

Distant gulls crowed with the coming of the dawn, and sunlight sparked over the water as the night gave way to the morningtide. For what felt like an eternity, he maintained the silence between them, and Kairi respected it in turn.

Pale blue faded and stroke of blood orange sang over the horizon before she broke their pact, taking her hand away from his with one final squeeze.

"She was happy, you know."

"Naminé?"

"She always told me that she couldn't wait," Kairi began, her lips twisting upward into the ghost of a smile. "To start a life with you. And be normal for a while."

Roxas straightened his back and lifted his chin.

"I don't think it's all bad," she continued.

Roxas was still for a while, not really sure of how to respond. It certainly felt all bad, to know that the heart beating in his chest was now beating alone in a sea of other hearts.

"What do you mean by that?"

"My grandmother used to tell me that the stars are people too," she explained, linking her hands together over her lap. "That all the people I know and that you know, who we'll ever know, are out there somewhere, waiting for us to find our way to them."

When Roxas didn't interrupt, she went on.

"You might not get the life you thought you'd have, and maybe you won't see her any time soon, but she's out there, you know. Waiting for you to find her in your own time, when it's the right time."

"And if it's never the right time?"

Kairi smiled full, shaking her head just a little in response to his pessimism. Naminé would have seen that answer coming from a mile away.

"There's always a right time, Roxas. The tide is what connects the sea to the shore. She might not be with you now, but in time… you'll be together again. That's what I think."

The final silence that fell between them grew more mutual as the morning sun rose out over the sea, filling the water with its fire. Like smoke through a canopy of pines, it bled out across the ocean until the sounds of stirring and shouting from the campsite on the other side of the island echoed through the trees.

"We should be getting back," Roxas finally decided, raising himself up off of the ledge he'd been so content to brood upon. "Sora'll probably be wondering where we're at."

"Sora should stop being a worrywart," Kairi joked, dusting herself off as she clambered to her feet after him. "He's been worried about you all night."

"About me?"

"Well, I doubt he's all that worried about Isa and Lea," she said, leveling him with a mischievous sort of grin that he found almost familiar. "People do care about you, Roxas. Sora especially."

She pointed to his heart, prodding him in the chest.

"Don't forget about that. We both know she wouldn't want you to."

Roxas straightened a little at the thought and Kairi led the way toward the ladder. She was halfway down it when he questioned her one final time, glancing down at her from the top of the tower.

"Do you really think I'll see her again?"

“Sure,” was Kairi’s ambiguous remark, her gaze fixated on Roxas for an unnaturally long second. "Maybe not in this lifetime… but in the next, I'm sure of it."

 


End file.
